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                The veteran comic impressionist VICTOR SEAFORTH recalls every performers nightmare – playing “the  comic’s graveyard” for a week:

After fifty seven years in the business as a comic impressionist I have many memories to look back on. I am often asked if there is one particular one that stand out and I always reply "Yes, my fourth visit to the Glasgow Empire." I remember the previous three with pleasure when the top of the bills, respectively, were VIC OLIVER, LESTER FERGUSON and TONY DALLI. Then the fourth, the headliner was CHARLIE GRACE, the American Rock and Roll singer who had just topped the bill at the Hippodrome in London's Leicester Square over DOROTHY SQUIRES. Dot wasn't happy about that at all and there was a lot of publicity - so much so that when my agent, Joe Collins, told me that I was to appear with Gracie at Glasgow Empire I was really looking forward to it.

What a rude awakening I had! On the opening night the audience was more suited to a cup final than a theatre. It was very distressing and the artistes found the noise quite frightening. All we could hear was "Bring on Charlie Grace! Where's Charlie Grace?" plus plenty of rude noises. It was so bad that the first half came down 13 minutes early. The Manager came round and apologised but said he couldn't do anything about it.

I felt physically sick knowing I had to go on in the second half and when it was time for my entrance all I could hear was "Bring on Charlie Gracie! " and the rude noises were even louder.

I cut out my gags and just worked on my singing numbers but I broke into a cold sweat knowing that I had to finish on my impression of Charles Laughton as Quasimodo, the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I tried to announce what my final impression was going to be but that was pointless as all I could hear was the endless "Bring on Charlie Gracie! ". I proceeded to get myself into the character, the lights went down to green spots, and there I was all twisted up going into the dialogue and all I could hear was "Bugger off. Bring on Charlie Gracie!". The rude noises got louder still and as I carried on towards the end of my study a really loud Scottish voice shouted out "Away hame you humpy backed old bastard! " There was a loud burst of laughter and I was lost how to make my exit so, still in my study as the Hunchback, I worked my way up to the mike as close as I could and as I looked up into the Circle I said, in my loudest voice, "Don't you recognise your father?" and with that I got myself off.

One thing is for sure - it was the longest week of my life and every performance was a nightmare.

By kind permission of Victor Seaforth, this article first appeared in Call Boy the journal of the

Brittish Music Hall Society

Marion Macleod insists that she enjoyed playing the famous Glasgow Empire

I was interested in Victor Seaforth’s amusing letter in your last issue, and full of admiration for his heroic stand against the national sport of bashing English acts at the Glasgow Empire.

I was reminded of happier times at the theatre, when in the Christmas period

(1949-50) I joined the company of Tom Arnold’s “CRACKERJACK” starring the Scottish comedian Jack Radcliffe.

Also in the show were Robert Wilson the popular tenor (best known perhaps for his much loved ‘Down in the Glen’) and George Elrick the diminutive ‘HOUSEWIFES CHOICE’ with his own inimitable style.

Supporting acts included Delmondi the accordionist, Agnette & Sylvio, adagio dancers, the concert pianist Tammas Fisher, Helen Norman-Radcliffe’s feed, and The Eight Starlets of whom I was one.

Presiding over the whole show was director Louis Barber, in my opinion a creative genius.

He devised the most wonderful magical production numbers week after week involving every member of the cast.

We were fortunate to have lavish costumes and sets courtesy of Tom Arnold.

We rehearsed every weekday from 10.a.m to 1p.m. and presented a different programme every week. Twice nightly 6.15 and 8.30. It was hard work but what better place to learn one’s craft!

One concession to the would be trouble makers on a First House Friday’ was made by our M.D. who was Polish. He had seen pretty tough fighting during the war, and always conducted the overture facing the audience, ready to repel boarders!

Along at the King’s Theatre that Christmas was the musical “Wild Violets”.

In the cast were Allen Christie, soon to become a Fol-De-Rol” favourite and David

Croft who of course in his varied career co-wrote “Dad’s Army”.

Sadly the Empire like so many of its kind is no more. But its memories linger on.